Yesterday,

I had my chest ripped open and heart violently smashed into pieces. But I also had a sinfully delicious box of sins chocolate as well as a fantastic dinner at Vanash. So im ok. I think.

Recently i've grown to like thinking. Its syndromes of living in self denial. Denial that everything is going to be ok. and that everything will go my way. Can I eat chocolates and not grow fat? Can I still grow taller? Can I turn back time and undo things I wish I didn't do so my heart doesn't break into a zillion pieces everytime something or someone reminds me of it?

Words are like nets- We hope they'll cover what we mean, but we know they cant posibly hold that much joy, or grief, wonder. Language only takes you this far. And then, you've got to figure the rest alone. You, or the person that has to understand.

Emilene is flying off to India this Sunday for 6 frigging weeks. I hope I don't die without her. Girl, if you are reading this, I just want you to know that my world would collaspe and my time would stop and and and and....i'll miss u. See you on Sunday morning.